Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Death by Soda

           It was 5 am, Thanksgiving day. Helen got up early to finish the turkey, make the sides, and uncan that disgusting red cranberry sauce everyone in the family except her seemed to love. It made a weird slicking noise as it came out of the can. Shudder. Like your Aunt Catherine's jello that have been left out from the Church bake sale for 3 weeks because everyone was afraid to touch it. If she could just get through the next 8 hrs. for family she would finally be free to head off to her local Wallymart and get the coveted 82 inch ultraslim HDTV with remote. She had been saving up for 6 months to afford this new beauty to watch her beloved soap operas now that the kids were heading off to college, and she just knew this was the start of a long overdue rest. With Dan and 5 kids, the house never had quiet time.
           Thanksgiving was a total blur before the dancing TV screen in her head. Finally at 8 pm, she managed to get rid of the her odd-ball brother's girlfriend of the year and her oh so charming son, Dillert. Honestly, who names their kid Dillert? It was demented and asking for trouble. Like pasting a giant kick-me sign on your offspring. Well, another 8 years and the kid would be free to screw up his own life no thanks to his own Mom.
            Helen packed her car with the necessary drinks, energy snacks, and a cooler full of  turkey sandwiches. She proceeded over to the local mart and bundled herself in line. The night got cool and the line began to grow as midnight drew near. Finally, the employees arrived, stuffed with turkey and the local beat cop sleepily got out of his car. The crowd was dense, but not nearly as bad as people liked to believe on the news. The simple fact was most people preferred to be in bed sleeping off the turkey platters than huddled early in the morning cold on Black Friday. The employees started letting everyone in at 12:03. Helen spotted her cart and she was off down the aisle. 576 steps, 4 aisles and 2 helpful sleepy employees later, Helen had the Mega 82 inch ultraslim HDTV safely packed in her cart.
             The cart pulled slightly to the right on it's squeaky wheel, but with only 315 steps to the register, she knew she could make it. The best Santa sleigh gift ever. Suddenly, as she rounded the corner, she saw a wide-eyed small child in front of her, all decked out in a darling pink sleeper with feet. A small bunny was clutched in on hand. She desperately pulled back trying not to hit the sleepy infant. As she breathed a deep sigh of relief as the cart stopped, she failed to notice the it was tipped slightly backwards toward the large 3 liter soda display to her.
              Down came the cans and bottles one wicked thud at a time. "Mommy, mommy, that lady is getting all the soda." wafted up to her from the cracked tile.
              Her last thought was, "Oh, no. What will the papers read?"


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